This song… it speaks to me in a way that is not exactly hurtful, but certainly destabilizing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFg8Bhob5r4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

“The Beginning”
I started the day by the tree where the sea was of nothing
I was closer to god in my dreams but still out of my head
When all of the leaves and the moments were in their way touching
A blanket of change and the listening for what will be said
When all that I knew was the wind and the faces before me
I spoke with the purpose and strength of a thousand young men
When the weight of the world and their wolves were out there to destroy me
I stood in the grass on the hill with my will to defend

This is the start of something
This is the end of who we were
The beginning of what we will be
This is the call to something,
This is a chance at something pure,
The only chance that we can see
When everything else disappears
We’ll live out our lives beyond years

Where’s the forgiveness we said would be written all over
Where is the peace and the freedom we said would be ours
Have we been lost in a dead winter whispering clover
Can we get back to the truth in the bees and the flow

I will be okay today even if it fucking kills me.

I has a grump. I need someone to be enthralled by me. My wife said once that I need to be worshipped, and she’s right. Now she’s heavily focused on someone(s) else, and my boyfriend is… definitely not enthralled or worshipful.

I’m also suffering from worthless day off syndrome: I’m regularly off work on a day that both of them are gone all day. Even with company, I’m fucking lonely.

cut me and i bleed
cursed ichor stains my eyes
would that i could see

Male partners bring out the worst of me- maladjusted, manipulative, old-paradigm shit that I have to fight tooth & nail.

I can’t tell if I’m mostly okay or a wreck in denial.

I want my people, all my people, but the two that live here will suffice. WAKE UP. HAVE XMAS PRESENTS AND COFFEE WITH ME.

I suppose I should think about actually waking them up.

she’s Mine, I’m His. They were together too, until just over a month ago. Now we’re all trying to live together, Figuring life out as a V and not a triad.

It’s hard, in lots of ways. Right now though, I am struggling with the fact that the two of them are functionally fine if I’m not here. When I walk in the door, the conscious discomfort and subconscious posturing starts.

Then there’s the “she’s crazy and today marks another med change” fatigue. I love my wife, but I really had to grit my teeth HARD when I got home from work at 7:30 tonight and had to make dinner… for the second time this week. I like having a stay at home wife. I’d like to have the benefits of such instead of having to still make dinner and do the laundry and sometimes the dishes too.

There’s hope… today is day one of the anti-psychs that have been so good for her, and she seems happier. Gods above, I hope we are seeing results this fast.

I’m frustrated and I’m PMSy, and now I’m done.

I’m not sure there’s ever a difference to me. One of my greatest pursuits in life has always (since I started having sex anyway) been the art of fellatio.

alicedigitalis:

When it crosses the line from just a blow job to cock worship.

tales-of-a-big-sexy-liberation:

i-will-call-you-sir:

One of my favorite places to be doing one of my favorite activities; it doesn’t get much better than this bit of wonderfulness.

(via chagrin)

thegirlwriteslife:

This. Absolutely.